


A Little Screw Loose

by burymeinziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeinziam/pseuds/burymeinziam
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	A Little Screw Loose

Zayn talks of how his dreams always consist of him dying. It’s always beautiful and it’s always tragic. Like last night. His eyes were closed and behind his lids he could see his heart breaking and splitting in two and shattering into millions of tiny pieces, slipping between his fingers like sand. Only his hands were really digging into blindingly white sheets as silent screams tore through his throat. 

Other nights he’s in the desert with his toes buried beneath warm sand as the sun beats down against his skin. His arms are spread wide and his cheeks are soaked with the tears free-falling from his eyes. He looks like Jesus minus the cross and he’s positively gorgeous as he just melts into nothing, bleeding into the sand until there’s nothing left. 

When he wakes up his thoughts are scattered and broken (“ _They’re always scrambled,_ ” he says. “ _Like I’m looking into my brain through a kaleidoscope and I can’t make anything out._ ”) and Liam is there, his fingers tracing the hard lines of Zayn’s jawline, kissing him soft and light, slowly dragging Zayn back to reality because that’s all he can really do. 

Liam combs his fingers through Zayn’s hair and whispers things like “Shhh, you’re alright. It’s just a dream and it’s over now.” 

Liam cups Zayn’s face in both hands, smears the tears across Zayn’s cheeks with his thumbs, and says “Nothing’s broken. You’re not broken. You are whole and you’re here. You’re with me.” 

Liam says it like it’s the truth and, when Zayn looks at him, it’s almost true. Zayn believes it because the line between his dreams and reality has always been blurred and difficult to discern, but Liam knows he’s lying through his teeth. Liam knows, but he speaks the words anyway and pulls Zayn close while he says a silent prayer that one day, he won’t need to be so dishonest. 

Zayn melts into Liam (it’s calm and so unlike the sand and the sun and the way he had disappeared into the earth moments earlier) and links their fingers together and Liam can’t get over how well they fit, how easily Zayn’s body molds against his own. It feels like kismet or fate; meant to be. 

“I’m sorry,” Zayn mumbles and his lips are wet against the skin of Liam’s neck. His head drops a little lower and he presses a kiss to Liam’s collarbone, sighs against the bit of saliva he left behind before leaning back to get a better look at Liam’s face. “I just... you know, I wish... I get so far away, and I don’t know how to get back.” 

Liam nods, kisses Zayn’s forehead, and sweeps the hair from his face. When he smiles, it’s sad, but he hopes Zayn doesn’t notice. “It’s fine.” 

When their eyes meet for a moment Zayn is right there with him, Liam can feel it. Zayn isn’t drifting in and out or thinking about all the ways he could go. When he smiles, it isn’t sad the way Liam’s was. It’s warm and happy in a way Liam hasn’t seen in a long time. 

Most people say Zayn is crazy – born with a screw loose. They watch on in judgment or fear while Zayn mumbles to himself, tell their children not to go near the man who can’t keep still and keeps glancing over his shoulder like he’s being followed. Most people think Zayn is crazy and Liam can’t say he disagrees because, most of the time, Zayn isn’t there. Not really. He’s wandered off to someplace that Liam can’t follow. 

But then there are moments like these. Moments when Zayn’s skin is warm from sleep and Liam can trace the pillow crease along his jaw. Moments when Zayn’s fingers are holding tight to the collar of Liam’s shirt while he hums and laughs, and Liam can really tell that Zayn is there. 

(“ _Today is going to be a good day._ ”) 

There are moments when Zayn’s lips are tickling Liam’s because they’re not kissing so much as they’re touching and breathing each other in, committing the little odds and ends of each other to memory. Moments when Zayn’s skin is warm and smooth like porcelain beneath Liam’s fingertips. 

Liam grins when Zayn’s nails dig into his lower back forcing his eyes to catch a glimpse of Zayn smiling back as he says “Hey” with his inky black hair spread against the white of the pillowcase. His eyes are tired, and Liam can see the struggle in them but, at this moment, Zayn is happy and _God_ , Liam thinks, _isn’t he beautiful_. 

Liam brushes the hair from Zayn’s face. Says “Hi” before leaning down and kissing the corner of Zayn’s mouth. “Want your medicine?” 

Liam can feel Zayn’s exhale against his skin. “No, no,” he says in a rush and scrambles to reach Liam’s forearm. “No. I just... just not yet, okay? I just– not yet.” Zayn squeezes Liam’s arm, then slides both of his hands up to the nape of his neck. “Just... just lay with me? Just for a little while?” 

Liam nods. “Okay.” 

They lay in bed with the sun peeking through the curtains warming their skin while they kiss and giggle and gasp. They lay in bed and their bodies meld and twine while Liam tries to pretend he doesn’t hear the small murmurs that aren’t meant to be spoken out loud. They lay in bed and Liam tries to fix the screw in Zayn’s head that’s come a little too loose while Zayn’s fingers sporadically dig into his shoulder blades and his hips. 

“I’ll be okay,” Zayn whispers over and over and over like a broken record. “I’m okay.” 

“Shh...it’ll be fine. It's okay. You’re okay,” Liam mumbles, pulling Zayn impossibly close and kissing him deep and slow like his life depends on it and he hopes, and he prays that it’s not as much as a lie as before. “It’ll be fine,” he says. “You’re not broken. It’s okay.” 

And this time, when Zayn closes his eyes, he’s falling and it’s tragic and beautiful like all the other times he’s fallen before. Only this time, when he hits the ground, he doesn’t break or shatter into a million tiny pieces he can’t even begin to put back together. This time Zayn just lands and, even though he knows it’ll never last, the screw that’s gone loose in his brain begins to tighten and Zayn can lie there and breathe and be. 

He’s okay.


End file.
